Hoarding Victim: I’ve Never Told Anyone Why I Try to be so Organized
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This is a hard story, that only a few select people know. I guess I need to share it so that perhaps it can help some of you, and create a clearing for me. I’ve never told it online. Catharsis must need to occur for me to move on.
My Mom is a fantastic woman. When my Dad got fired in the Air Traffic Controller strike of 1981, she supported us for quite a long time while my Dad went to school, had a few jobs, and finally settled in at a place that he liked. For the stress that she endured during that time and the years after, it took its toll and my Mom has had one large stroke and several smaller strokes and is unable to walk without assistance and cannot be left alone for long periods of time.
Mom’s life was born into stress. She was born in 1929, the year that the Great Depression started. She lived in destitute poverty most of her life. She’s told me stories about living on 10 cents a day.
As typical in many people that lived through the depression, she has a compulsive disorder called hoarding. Mom keeps things that don’t make sense, and will buy more even when she knows she has more than enough to last. All my childhood, when I was old enough to realize it, I tried to keep her demons at bay. I kept the house as organized as I possibly could. I threw things away when she didn’t know and didn’t allow her to buy things when she had them (or I tried). As a younger person, this was quite a feat, and I think it a big reason why I handle tough projects and can stay calm.
After I moved out, things have gotten progressively worse. I can’t really go into the details, but the demons I tried so hard to keep at bay are no longer gone.
When I lived on my own, I went through my phase of not being organized. I guess that I was tired from trying to do all I could to help Mom. Sooner rather than later I got my shit together, started keep my house right, and got on with life.
When we bought our house in January, I knew that I had to again make some big changes. I still had one of my Mom’s demons hanging around me, and that was my lack of organization with paperwork and having to find important papers. When I realize that I needed to change with the purchase of this house, GTD just fell in my lap and resonated with me. I investigated it, and through Stephen Smith’s Productivity in Context blog, it all clicked and fell into place.
We’ve heard from Cheryl and how she chose it, and now you know my story.
What’s yours?
FreshFocus: Hoarding: Some real soul baring here.......http://tinyurl.com/3pzy9d 10/11/08 11:52pm- FreshFocus: Hoarding: Some real soul baring here.......http://tinyurl.com/3pzy9d 10/11/08 03:52pm
- FreshFocus: Hoarding: Some real soul baring here.......http://tinyurl.com/3pzy9d 10/10/08 11:52pm
- FreshFocus: @lizstrauss Remember unique? Some real soul baring here.......http://tinyurl.com/3pzy9d 10/10/08 05:12pm
lizscherer: @freshfocus. Thanks for sharing. RT@freshfocus. Folks, this is a must-read. http://tinyurl.com/3pzy9d 10/10/08 03:55pm- FreshFocus: Some real soul baring here.......http://tinyurl.com/3pzy9d 10/10/08 03:50pm
- FreshFocus: New blog post: I’ve Never Told Anyone Why I Try to be so Organized http://tinyurl.com/3pzy9d 10/10/08 04:00am
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Kris, thank you so much for sharing this story. It must have been hard to decide to write it, but I know it was the right decision. A lot of us have similar struggles.
My grandma was also deeply affected by the Depression. She was born in 1927.
It’s wonderful that you have a strong awareness about your desires to keep things organized. It must really help.
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Kris reply on October 10th, 2008 1:20 pm:
I think society belittles the effect that the Great Depression had on people and think that hoarders can just stop. It’s really a disease that needs treatment: they just can’t “stop”.
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Thanks for sharing Kris. My grandmother was evidently a bit of a hoarder. There’s a wonderful documentary about hoarding called “My Mother’s Garden.” It was truly an eye opener for me.
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Kris reply on October 10th, 2008 1:19 pm:
I’ll have to catch that one. I know it’s been on 20/20 before and a few other shows.
Thanks for the recommendation.
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Kris, thank you for sharing your story. As a Certified Professional Organizer, I and my colleagues come across a wide variety of client types, from those who are situationally disorganized, to the chronically disorganized, to hoarders. Throwing off shame and embarrassment and coming into the light to seek help (socially, therapeutically, organizationally) is a brave but essential first step. Your readers can contact the National Association of Professional Organizers at NAPO.net and the National Study Group On Chronic Disorganization at NSGCD.org for guidance.
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Kris reply on October 10th, 2008 1:16 pm:
Unfortunately, most people will not seek help for this and they, along with their family, live with the embarrassment of this situation. Thanks for the link to the NAPO – I’ll have to join!
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Hi Kris, thanks for sharing and for mentioning me. I am so glad that I could be of help and assistance. Helping other people is exactly why I got into organizing and productivity in the first place.
I am touched to know I have helped at least one person, and together we can help a bunch more! I know it’s a tall order (in-joke). Keep up the good work.
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You did start me on my journey – and look where I am now……….
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Hi Kris,
Thank you so much for sharing your story! I totally get the feelings of shame that come from hiding the truth about what you faced growing up living with a hoarder. I have a similar experience, though my mother was more of a clutterer and I was the one who tried to keep things organized. Then as I grew up, went to college, got a job etc. I realized I had serious organizing issues myself and began a life long journey that led to me becoming an organizing coach, and then from working with clients who had ADD found out I had it too!
I hope that opening up, sharing, and knowing that you are not alone, and that decent people won’t judge you badly for this will help you transform your life and help you feel lighter, more connected and more truly authentic than ever! You don’t have to hide who you really are any more! It truly is a cartharsis and I wish you all the best in your journey.
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Kris reply on October 10th, 2008 3:10 pm:
Well, this was the last apart in my catharsis. I had gotten over this a long time ago, but had never shared it with anyone. Guess it was my time to share – I hope this post helped someone in some small way.
Thanks for your comment – hope to interact more with you in the future!
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Wonderful post, and insight into how some people are the way they are. Who’d have thought your supremely organized space with nothing to hide was borne from a childhood spent fighting hoarding? Cheers, M!
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It’s amazing to see how people and why people are the way that they are. It fascinates me.
Thanks for the comment – looking forward to chatting more with you.
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