Anti-Social Social Media – Yeah, You Heard Me Right.
Welcome back!
Recently, I’ve gotten more familiar with Facebook and have found some people that I’d like to get to know better, so I did the obvious thing and added them as friends.
Apparently, I’ve broken some sort of unwritten Facebook code that you should do this.
I had about ten people contact me with one sentence messages: "Do I know you"? And I think to myself, ‘Hell no, and you aren’t going to with that attitude!" Do people do this to each other in person? NO. You meet someone for the first time and attempt to get to know them. I cannot imagine EVER asking someone I just met, "Do I know you" in a way that appears as if you are bothering me and if I don’t know you in some way, I’m not going to get to know you. Social media is just that: SOCIAL.
It always refers to the interaction of organisms with other organisms and to their collective co-existence, irrespective of whether they are aware of it or not, and irrespective of whether the interaction is voluntary or involuntary.
That’s the definition of social, folks. I had always thought that we are to be social on social media. I will not EVER get to know someone. I will always give them the benefit of the doubt and assume that they are good and true from the start. If you prove me wrong, then hasta la vista, baby. I want to get to know people. Now I get the internet and stalkers and all that, but for pete’s sake if you are going to be on social media websites, learn how to do your homework. Look at their profile, see who they are friends with, visit their website and other social media hangouts. Don’t automatically become hostile and assume I am suspicious.
How about you? Do you speak to those that you do not know, or do you not? How do you protect yourself? I’m really perplexed at all the shunning on Facebook. Have you experienced this too?
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This is a very interesting reflection. You are what you type online. In real life, you have all these other communication modalities. Online, it’s just words, almost always typed in a hurry. Merlin Mann wrote a beautiful essay about that: http://www.43folders.com/better.
Question: When you added these people as friends, did you state who you are and why do you want to add them as friends?
As an aside, some men are often rejected by women when they try to pick them up.
So as you can see, real and virtual lives do have one thing in common: You have to make sure you’re an interesting person before asking for something. Attraction vs. persuasion. This is rule #1 of the social media club.
Answer back...
Kris reply on January 17th, 2009 7:36 am:
I did not state why I added them, but as to who I am, that would be best viewed from my profile on FB as well as my FB wall, don’t you think?
I do also think that I would have gotten “Do I know you” regardless because they wouldn’t have known me. Good food for thought and perhaps I should alter my interaction with people on FB in that regard.
Thanks for the comment and interaction. Welcome to FFOP! Hope to hear more from you!
Answer back...
Thanks Kris.
I agree to an extent. You will always get rejections though, that’s the fact of life. But it is within your power to reduce their number to the minimum. I nice intro note never hurts.
Then you always have an option to not take the rejections personally
Check this out: http://www.wikihow.com/Talk-to-Strangers
Answer back...
Kris reply on January 17th, 2009 7:50 am:
It wasn’t taken so much personally as it was on a whole, as they are engaging in SM, yet are not being social. Found it to be oxymoronical to an extent.
I’m very active on Twitter, but recently delved into FB a bit further. Guess I’ll have a few things to learn!
Answer back...
There is social media and then there is social media.
The difference with Facebook is that 95% of people use it to keep in touch with people that they already know. There are other social mediums out there on the web for meeting new people, but Facebook is not it.
I consider very carefully when I add a friend on Facebook. When I open up facebook, I want to see updates on what my friends and family are doing on my news feed, but I’m not interested in what casual acquaintances or people I don’t know at all did on their holiday or what they had for lunch.
LinkedIn, for example, is another kettle of fish entirely. There it is about building a network and reaching out to new people. But even still, many people will only add you when they know you in person.
Do people say “do I know you?” in real life? Sure they do. It happens all the time. Maybe not in those words, or maybe not with words at all – but you know pretty quickly whether you’re interested in talking to someone.
Answer back...
Kris reply on January 17th, 2009 2:56 pm:
But you at least give them and chance, even if for a few moments.
I guess I just can’t see someone shutting down that quick.
Answer back...
[...] please, stop sending “Do I know you?” messages in response to the Facebook [...]
if someone sends me an add request on FB and I don’t think I know them, I will ask them if I know them – if they haven’t included a personal message with the request. I have a few “friends” whom I don’t really know, but they had good reasons for adding me. now, with the ability to select how much of your information you want your friends to see, i don’t see what the big deal is to add someone just to get to know them.
Answer back...
Kris reply on January 18th, 2009 4:23 am:
That was my thought exactly, Daniele. You put my thoughts into words. It’s so easy to “unfriend” someone, that why a person wouldn’t take the risk to get to know someone is beyond me.
Thanks for stopping by – and thanks for the feedback!
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